Festus Williams
Festus is a brilliant man, he has 4 PhDs (2 in science and 2 in medicine) and a master’s in psychology. Sadly Festus comes from Kentucky and no one will listen to him because of his outrageous accent.

Graham Oldfart
Graham lost six limbs in nine world wars yet he still manages to tap away at his typewriter complaining about offensive television content.

Gary and Gary
Gary and Gary are two British backpackers travelling around Australia. Unfortunantly the Garys are so bored and annoyed with Australian culture that they kick one another in the “janglies” to relieve themselves. . Occasionally the Garys are joined by Chuck, an American tourist, who they find even more infuriating than Australia.

Georgio Benini
Georgio Benini is the worlds last living Castrato. He had his testicles removed at a young age to preserve his soprano singing voice. Georgio has one regret in life and that is having his testicles removed to preserve his soprano singing voice. Georgio urges all young men to “keep their balls”.

Heidi
Sherioushly Heidi ish an eschpechially acomplisched Lawn Bowlsh Inshtructor. She worksh at Wesht Pymble Bowlsh and encouragesh patronsh to Rock and Bowl. Heidi ushed to have a lishp. 

Henry Limpton ‘s Teabag
Henry just can’t help but dunk his Scrotum into his friend’s food and drinks. Whether it’s a Pint of beer or a bubbly fondue. You can be sure Henry Limpton will ruin it with his “teabag”. Henry is a fictional character and any similarity to person’s living or dead or any company is purely coincidental.

Jesus Christ
Jesus was born in December 2BC in Bethlehem but grew up in the suburbs of Nazareth. Many Christians believe that Jesus is the son of god and was sent by him to save us from our sins. Jesus was crucified in 36 AD but allegedly rose again three days later proving to many that he is in fact the messiah. Of all his achievements Jesus lists “jamming with Kenny Rogers” as his favourite.

Larry and the Boss
Larry and the boss are members of the Mafia. Like all Mafiosi they think that The Godfather Part 3 was rubbish.

Man Vs Spider
It’s a battle of wits. Who will win the man or the spider? Probably the spider.

Mlak Mlak
Mlak Mlak is the Third Degree’s sponsored child. We send him $1.50 every month and he sends us letters and drawings of what he’s spent the money on.